Tabula Rasa

8:55, on the dot, like utter clockwork - the route had been so meticulously planned to ensure he was always where he needed to be - he’d never missed a week before. For the last three visits he’d brought something new, they were starting to run out of the regular stuff and demand was increasingly high. I couldn’t risk not getting a fix for weeks on end, so I decided to branch out and experiment with new hallucinogens. Like his timekeeping, his recommendations of non-prescription drugs was something of a perfected skill, and each week I had been taken on a new journey; found a new ecstasy. 8:56, it was only 60 seconds, nothing to panic about. Maybe my watch was running a minute fast, it wouldn’t be the first time. I talked myself into believing just this and my racing mind settled. He knew what this meant to me, what it meant to all of his customers - his regiment gave us regiment. Granted, it was one meagre, sober day of the week, but it was something. For the first time in a few days I took a deep inhale of the clean air around me. It was such a shock to my rotting system that I spluttered on its clarity. 8:57, maybe the lights weren’t in his favour, or he got stuck behind a slow-moving vehicle, the furiously ignorant driver unaware of the delicate timekeeping the human behind them was trying to follow. Maybe he’d turned on me, or turned me in. I’d heard rumours of dealers handing their wasted followers over to the police in exchange for one more chance at freedom. Maybe this was my time; I was going to be this week’s wasted follower, betrayed by my saviour in a pathetic attempt to save their own skin. I was repulsed. Choking once more on my own breath, a flash of concern for the neighbourhood’s air quality jumped through my mind before being replaced with a fervent fury once more. 8:58, my skin started to turn cold and my brow became increasingly clammy. The tremor was returning to my hands and my legs felt weak, an invisible weight forcing my body down. A tic found its way to my eye and a cluster of spots formed before me. I felt the spiders. 8:59, a noise to my left made me freeze. He never came from the left. He always came front-on so I could see him coming. He knew he had to do that. He knew what would happen if he didn’t. Slowly, I twisted my neck round, my legs frozen on the spot. A figure emerged from the shadows and any remaining colour drained from my face. This was it. “Chris, Viktor, what’s happened to you?” With a pained exhalation, I realised it was just my neighbour, not a policeman in sight. “Harrison, shit, you scared me. I’ve been waiting here for four fucking minutes. Where is he?” 9:00. “Didn’t you hear?”